Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
