Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
