Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
