you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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