we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
