Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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