you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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