If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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