Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
