Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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