a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
there was a trapeze. enough said
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
