He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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