your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
