How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
