Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
