You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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