how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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