remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
