Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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