The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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