I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Watching her eat just hurts me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
