You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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