Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
