Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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