All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize