He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
