3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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