My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
