i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
