Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
