spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
