Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
