I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
