the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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