Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
