So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
