You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
