You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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