Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
