but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
