A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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