Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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