Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Can Purell be used as lube?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
