Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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