you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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