We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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