i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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