So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
