Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
