I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just high enough for therapy.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
