I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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