I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
