i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Randomize
