It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
