I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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