i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
