Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
