It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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