why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
