I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
