apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
