just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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