six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
