IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
