i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
