I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
