he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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