Just cropdusted the office
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
