I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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