My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
