You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
there is glitter all over my balls
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
