the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
