If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
