I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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