you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
