At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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