honey bunches of taint.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
