I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
