my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
